“How do I get my partner to stop waking me up?” 

“How can I wake up without waking up my partner?”

The internet is full of people who are desperate for answers to these questions. People have taken to Reddit and Quora to search for some solution because this is quite a problem for many couples.

A survey in 2001 found that 12% of married couples sleep alone, and in 2017 a National Sleep Foundation survey found that 1 in 4 married couples slept in separate beds. 

Having sleep issues could put a burden on some aspects of our relationships. Especially if we’re waking up our partners and losing sleep, couples might find that their personal habits are disturbing the other in more ways than just a few hours of the morning. These problems can build up, and they are important to work through. Luckily there’s a few easy adjustments that can be done to improve your morning relationship.

Couples can have problems with their morning routines or sleep habits

Couples as individuals have different habits. They aren’t always compatible; some of us wake up way earlier than our partners. Some of our partners press the snooze button a few too many times. 

Others snore, others wake up to the others’ alarm, but a lot of these issues come down to incompatible morning routines and habits.

Some common sleep problems found in couples were:

• Waking up to the other’s alarm 
• Snoring
• Different sleeping positions
• Different sleep schedules
• Sheet or mattress textures
• Tossing and turning
• Getting up in the middle of the night
• The size of the bed
• Sleeping with children or pets
• Going to bed angry

Your partner might also be doing something that’s disruptive to your sleep, like tossing and turning which could easily wake up someone who’s more sensitive to movement. Even snoring might be pretty disruptive for a light sleeper. 

The reason this bothers so many people is because losing sleep- whether it’s in the wee hours of the morning, or being woken up in the middle of the night- is not great for your sleep quality. Losing sleep can also take a toll on your mood and energy levels, especially if your partner’s alarm is waking you up earlier than you want to be up. 

A survey found that losing sleep was linked to more frequent fighting between couples, which seems possible when you might consider being unceremoniously woken up in the morning and feeling groggy and affecting your mood. There are even studies about the link between sleep and your relationship quality!

Because sleeping together is such a fundamental part for a lot of couples’ relationships, being able to share a bed and a space with your partner can have a significant influence on your overall relationship.  

Loud alarms aren’t helping your relationships

Unsurprisingly, waking up to your partners’ alarm is one of the most disruptive things that could affect your morning relationships. 

Having different morning routines might mean one of you- who wakes up earlier- interrupts your partner before they’re ready to wake up. Especially if a loud morning alarm is jolting both wide awake, it could be hard trying to go back to sleep. Happening consistently over time, this could be a growing issue if one of you is constantly feeling like you’re losing sleep. 

Sometimes, one person in a couple is a night owl while the other is an early bird. Your morning routines might be very different, where an early bird who generally wakes up easily in the morning and is ready to start their day might be disruptive for a night owl, who’s stayed up late and wants to get up a little later. Throw in a loud alarm to disrupt your entire sleep environment, and you have a poor situation for both sides to be dissatisfied with how you’re waking up. 

Dealing with different sleep schedules

For people who like to be up early, the best adjustment is to try to be quieter in the mornings so you don’t disturb anyone else still sleeping in.

For night owls who want to sleep in, being careful about going to bed at an accommodating time is important so they don’t disregard their partners’ needs. 

Compromising the habits of a morning person and an evening person doesn’t have to be difficult. Whether they’re used to waking up at different times or one wanting to cuddle more or have sex more often in the mornings, communicating what you need is the key to adapting for each other. 

Morning relationships are important 

Mornings are an intimate time for couples. They’re the first person you see when you wake up; it’s a time to physically and mentally be with each other before you go about your days. 

Many couples don’t want to sleep in separate beds or rooms (it’s called a “sleep divorce”) because they fear that it means an end to intimacy. However if your personal habits are causing a strain in your morning relationships- whether it be conflicting schedules, loud alarms, or overall incompatible sleep habits- there are ways to help each other out and make adjustments.

Make personal adjustments to your sleep environment that don’t affect the other person too much.

There are a few things you can do to make some easy changes.

Get a bigger bed- or change your mattress (one that doesn’t transmit motion).

 More room means more personal space if motion is what’s making you wake each other up. It can also help improve your quality of sleep.

Use earplugs or eyemasks

These can be quick solutions if one of you is a snorer or tends to keep the light on late at night in the same room. You can find comfortable options for you online. There are even noise cancelling earphones!

Some couples make appointments. 

It’s important to communicate. Talking openly about your needs and being able to work something out together can be a big step to working out specific things you can agree upon.

Changing your alarm is one of the best things you can do for your partner

Most of us wake up to alarms to make sure we get up on time, but not all of us have the same morning schedule. Silent alarms are one of the least disruptive types of alarms that would be beneficial to both you and your partner. 

How VibeRise was made for couples 

VibeRise was built to improve all kinds of sleep situations, for all kinds of sleepers. From shared spaces to heavy sleepers, we want everyone to be able to wake up feeling well-rested & make healthier sleep habits easier. 

Studies on the negative effects of waking up to loud noises show that they raise your cortisol levels and use stress to wake you up. Loud alarms can wake you up abruptly from deep phases of sleep, causing sleep inertia (morning grogginess). That means not just you, but your partner as well are jolted awake by loud alarms, compromising your sleep quality and morning mood & energy.

You can check out how to protect both your sleep and your partner’s with PAQ.